If you know who I am for really-reals...

OK folks, if you have read this blog in the past, cool.  Thanks for checking in.  If you haven't, well you're welcome to, but I want a place where I can type openly about things like nursing, babies, married life, love, work, parenting, being emotional, and all things that are ME.

I've felt in the past that I was limited in what I could blog because of where I worked and who might find it.  I don't feel that way anymore, mostly thanks to my new job.  

So, if you don't want to read my strong opinions on breastfeeding, including toddler nursing, being a mom, attachment parenting, and how to make all of that work as a working mama, then don't waste your time here.  

If you're still interested, great!  Read away (or read yourself to sleep).  

That is all. Posts forthcoming.  

Medicine

For as long as I can remember, I have wanted to go into medicine.  Like, go to medical school medicine.  It didn't happen after college, and I was devastated.  I went to grad school briefly, as if that would be a substitute path to a PhD, but I hated it.  I had no passion for the projects I was working on.  So I quit almost as promptly as I started.  And I tried to apply to medical school again, but again didn't get in.  So I went to paramedic school, and got a job as a medic.  And for a while, it was awesome.  I got my medicine fix, I was functioning at a level that was appropriate for a little while, and I would say I got decent at taking care of patients.  But 5 years into it (well, probably sooner than that), I became ready for the next challenge, the next level of taking care of patients, or the next challenge.  Unfortunately, in the EMS field, there's not much to do at a higher level than taking care of patients.

So my next challenge became the teaching job I accepted in August of 2012.  I am definitely enjoying teaching.  But I do not believe, at this point, that teaching will be a career for me.  I have spent the past 6 months or so wrestling with this.  Being a mom has changed ME.  My priorities have shifted.  Suddenly the world shouldn't bend to me, it should bend to you.

What this really means is that my vague goal of going to medical school became much more concrete.  I have wavered, though.  Medical school at this point in life is a big deal. Right now we DEPEND on two incomes- we have generated a lifestyle that requires it.  We like our vacations, we like our big house, our gym membership, our house cleaner, we like our new clothes and new shoes, and generally living care-free.  Going to medical school requires work.  It requires sacrifice, not just from me, but from the WHOLE family.  We will need to start saving now, need to start living more frugally.

And I need to take some classes and also the MCAT.  Le-Sigh... not THAT again... So... here's to working hard for the next 12 years of my life so I can achieve my dream.  And hopefully provide for my family.  I figure as long as I'm making more than I am now, I'll be doing OK...

So keep your fingers crossed for me.  I'm gonna be a doctor someday.

Home Birth, Birthing Center, Hospitals: Part 1- my experience

As a medic, I have been privileged to deliver one baby.  Yes, my non-birth-friendly medics out there, privileged to deliver.  I enjoyed it.  It was before I had one of my own, and it made me realize just how amazing the whole birth thing is.  I do find it amazing, and incredible.  I don't really care about the mess.  Granted, I didn't have to clean up- the mom birthed at her house on her own bed, so someone else cleaned it up.  Nonetheless, I was the lucky one who caught the baby.  It's a good thing I had support there- someone else suctioned the baby's nose and mouth, and clamped the cord, and dad cut the cord.  It was a good thing because I was so mesmerized by the fact that there was a brand new little life coming out of this woman that I may have taken a few extra seconds to actually accomplish those steps on my own.

Mom was amazing- she had a doula that was at home with her- she wanted to labor as much at home as possible, and then was going to go to the hospital.  Unfortunately (or, perhaps for her, quite fortunately!) her second labor was only a third of the duration of her first labor!  So the doula, recognizing the signs of transition (when the uterus goes from dilating the cervix to pushing the baby out), and called for the ambulance.  She pushed just a few times, and out came her baby boy.  He was perfect.  Mom did amazing.  There were no complications.

As a young and impressionable medic and woman/future-mom, I decided that perhaps home births aren't all that crazy- after all, I had just delivered a baby who did just fine!  I hadn't run any "bad calls" for childbirth.

And then I became pregnant, and realized that I was intimidated by the birth process, not to mention had a husband that didn't really believe in the home birth concept, the natural birth concept, or anything that had to do with birth outside the hospital.  Unfortunately, out of the half-dozen times he has delivered a baby, not one of them was "normal" or "healthy."

So a hospital birth it was for me- I put all thoughts of anything otherwise out of my head, which, admittedly, I was OK with, because it meant I could get an epidural without feeling guilty, or like I was any less of a woman!  I have no regrets, and my baby was still delivered vaginally.  But, looking back, I felt like I missed out on a few things, due in part to my hospital experience, and also due to unexpected complications.  My water broke but I didn't begin having contractions, so I was put on pitocin.  I developed a fever during labor- a sign of potential chorioamnionitis- or an infection within the amniotic fluid and placenta.  This puts both mom and baby at risk of infection, causes an increase in infant mortality, and requires the use of IV antibiotics.  What this meant was that my baby had to go to the NICU.  I was allowed one quick attempt to breastfeed, and then my baby was taken to NICU.  I did not get to "room in" with her until appx. 18 hours later.  I went over to the NICU every two hours to nurse.  My baby girl had an IV in her head (which is normal IV placement for newborns- they just don't have veins accessible in their arms!).  As a  medic, I understood this.  As a mom, I bawled my eyes out for a good 20 minutes in the NICU because my child had an IV sticking out of her head!!  She was also given a pacifier, which caused me anxiety due to the fact that I wanted desperately to breastfeed!  I was so concerned that she would end up with "nipple confusion" like the books and stuff talked about.

What disappointed me about my hospital experience was the following:

1.  I didn't get to nurse my child within the first hour of her life.  It was about 4 hours later before I got to nurse her.  I didn't get to experience my baby crawl up my abdomen to find the breast for herself.
2.  My baby was given a pacifier without me being asked.  While it ended up being a non-issue, it bothered me a bit that I didn't know about it.
3.  I was really bothered by how much the NICU nurses were willing to give my daughter formula.  They noticed I was exhausted (based on the timing of my labor and the inability to nap, I had realistically been up for 40 hours without sleep by the time she finally made it!), and said, "we can give her a bottle!  Just go get some rest!"  While I would never say that they were pushy about it, it was presented as an option multiple times.  Any type of supplementation, unless at the breast, can hinder breastfeeding, and can prevent milk from coming in appropriately.  I was determined to nurse her though, and so I didn't accept the help!
4.  My daughter ended up a bit dehydrated, and seemed honestly hungry.  She was not the calm, quiet newborn for the first 24 hours.  I suspect this has to do with the fact that she was poked and prodded, and almost certainly cried quite a bit, expending more energy than she should have the first hours of her life.  I wish that I could have just held her and nursed her the whole time, but I didn't get to.
5.  The lack of information with regards to informed consent.  I had pitocin administered, which I didn't really want, I wasn't given any sort of information about the fever and potential issues as far as risks of refusal, and same thing for my daughter.  There were no options given- it was "standard protocol."

Since she was born, I have read more and more about the medicalization of birth, and with my general impression of hospital births, I understand a little why women may not want a hospital birth.  I don't want to write a marathon post, so I will save my opinions for my next post :).

Because I can't help myself....

OK, I gotta join the bandwagon and talk about the TIME magazine article on extended nursing and attachment parenting. 


Here's my review.  I'm disappointed.  


TIME put a provocative photo of a woman breastfeeding her toddler on their cover.  A stool was used to make the (already large) toddler look even taller, he was dressed in "mini adult" clothing (camo cargo pants), and is giving the camera a look that's expected from a young teenager.  The mom has a slightly blank but slightly defiant look on her face, as though she is daring someone to challenge her for having a child at the breast.  TIME admits here (http://lightbox.time.com/2012/05/10/parenting/#1) that they intentionally put him up on a stool to "make him look older."  Also at that link is a set of other pictures that were taken during the photo shoot- every other photo, in my opinion, is a more appropriate reflection of nursing.  Even nursing a toddler.  


At first I was grateful to see that TIME was tackling what has become not only an issue that I am personally facing, but also one that negatively distinguishes the US from other modern countries (breastfeeding, extended breastfeeding, and breastfeeding support).  


After seeing the photo, their reasoning behind the photo they chose, their other options, and the article that was written, I'm just disappointed.  


The actual article in TIME doesn't mention more than a few sentences about extended breastfeeding, yet that's what's depicted on the cover.  The article is about Dr. Bill Sears, the attachment parenting guru.  It discusses how he came to his beliefs regarding childcare.  It talks about his upbringing, his kids, his beliefs, and how he is big on endorsements.  He has a beachfront house in California to show for all of that.  


As an "accidental" attachment parent, wherein I discovered attachment parenting after I accidentally fell asleep with my baby next to me in bed while nursing, and desperately did research to see how likely I was to have rolled over on top of her.  I found the less-published information regarding the interactions during sleep between exclusively breastfeeding moms and their infants.  Under certain circumstances, co-sleeping can, based on the statistics that we are able to draw, be just as safe as crib sleeping (these include things like not smoking, exclusively breastfeeding, no siblings in bed, firm mattress in appropriate position (not near walls or with a gap at the headboard, no pillows, minimal to no covers, no use of alcohol or sedatives, and non-obese parents).  I also found Dr. Sears' website, and discovered this whole attachment parenting concept, and it just makes sense to me.  I have since done more reading about it, and do my best to integrate attachment parenting techniques into my life.   


But I still own a stroller.  And turns out my baby girl happens to enjoy walks in the stroller.  She sits up and looks around and sings.  I also own a baby carrier.  And ultimately, which one I use depends on how I feel about carrying around a 22 lb baby that day, how much my back hurts, and what kind of mood baby girl is in.  


I like Miyam Bialik's take on the attachment parenting.  In this (http://geekout.blogs.cnn.com/2012/05/11/how-brainy-women-think-about-attachment-parenting/) interview, she says, "The notion that a child’s voice matters, that every child is different, that’s the basis of attachment parenting."


So TIME, you have disappointed me.  As a long-time subscriber, I would have expected better.  The photo and the attitude of, "are you mom enough" has only sensationalized the concept of attachment parenting, and sensationalized extended breastfeeding, but has done a poor job of explaining what attachment parenting is or of explaining why some parents choose to adopt the "attachment parenting" concept.  


At the same time, the magazine has actually opened the can of worms that is extended breastfeeding.  Perhaps even the exposure to a foreign concept will help start to get the word out that breastfeeding toddlers isn't child abuse... AND it allows people like Miyam Bialik to go on CNN and explain things from an educated position...


Overall, I don't think it will make much difference in the breastfeeding world, but it will probably sell magazines.  

Life Happens, Writing doesn't.

I have about 5 different posts that I have started and haven't had time to finish thanks to... well... life.

Baby hit a growth spurt, also has been in a mommy-only mode (any ideas why?).  If I'm around, she only wants me.  She does OK if I'm not there after a few minutes of fussing, but won't go to anyone else but me when I'm around.

Also, homework has kept me from writing as much as I would like.

So... that's life.  Nothing new, really.  Just a clingy, clingy baby, homework, and the usual homemaking type stuff- cooking, cleaning, yardwork.

And I did just get back from a trip out of town.  It was fun, but not nearly long enough.  I'm looking forward to my various vacations this summer...

Teddy Bear!

I now have a desire to learn a craft. I want to learn to crochet so I can make this bear (see below). I want to use super soft yarn and make it so soft and cuddly!!! Any help appreciated!

Update:  I now have crochet hooks and a teach-yourself-to-crochet book.  Yarn will be in on Monday!  I love Amazon.com, Amazon Prime, and 2 day shipping.

Extended Nursing

I was Skype-ing with my dad the other day so he could see the baby, and I mentioned that my little one has become quite the distracted nurser- she wants to play or sing or wiggle while she is nursing, making it much more difficult to focus on nursing. My dad suggested that meant it would be a great time to wean her.

What?

OK, so let me just put this out there. I love nursing my baby. Love it. It's had it's highs and lows, and sometimes it's awful when she wants to nurse when I'm doing important things like peeing (since she follows me into the bathroom now), but it's been awesome.

Nonetheless, nursing has been great and I feel privileged to be able to do it. And my baby loves it too, even though she is distracted. She still nurses, it's just that now, instead of taking ten minutes to nurse and be done, we nurse in about thirty second intervals, over the course of about 45 minutes, with frequent breaks for crawling, wiggling, or just smiling up at me. The books say that it's a phase...

Suffice to say, we're not weaning anytime soon.

But... When to wean? I have talked with many people about weaning, the right time, and how to go about it. An I've realized that there is no "right" time except when one or both of us is ready. I have talked with people who weaned at 3 months, 9 months, 12, 18 months, up to 3-4 years in age.   I have read the opinions of the AAP and WHO, who recommend 12-24 months, and continued nursing as long as is mutually desirable, thanks to the continued health benefits- both physically and mentally.  When babies are left to wean on their own, they will generally do so between 2.5 and 7 years.  While I can't imagine the idea of nursing a first grader, nursing a toddler is definitely doable.  So... I imagine it will be somewhere between the two :).

Also, this picture is awesome.