I ran a call a while back on a teenager. Seemed fairly straightforward, didn't think much of it, except there was one abnormality, so I asked for a follow up.
I got my follow-up today. Kid has cancer, pretty much everywhere. Prognosis is poor. The kid's gonna die. That sucks.
These are the sorts of things that I just sort of tuck away and pretend don't exist. I remember the fearful look in the mother's eyes, and hope, pray, and beg that I never face that fear. I do that "bottling it up" thing that they tell us not to. Because if I think about all of the bad things that could happen to my little one, I get really sad.
So I don't. It's a choice. I stay focused on the amazing things that my baby girl is doing. I smile at her and tell her every day that I love her. I cuddle her constantly. I make an effort to make each day count, to be happy (as opposed to grumpy) for her (and because of her!), and to do fun things with her, in case one day all one of us has left is memories...
I'm rambling.
The point of this post is that it's easy for me to go on about my job pretending like all I ever do is take care of the toe pains and drunks, but occasionally I do see some medically interesting things that suck for patients and families. And the things that suck are the things that I like to pretend won't happen to me, my family, or anyone close to me. And when my job bursts my happy little bubble of ignorance, and I have to deal with the sucky parts of life, it really bums me out, and will, eventually, make me go crazy.
So invest in Xanax now, 'cause one day, I'll probably need it. That or maybe large quantities of cupcakes...
Also check out this TED Talk: http://blog.ted.com/2011/04/22/3-things-i-learned-while-my-plane-crashed-ric-elias-on-ted-com/ . It's topical.
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