Home Birth, Birthing Center, Hospitals: Part 1- my experience

As a medic, I have been privileged to deliver one baby.  Yes, my non-birth-friendly medics out there, privileged to deliver.  I enjoyed it.  It was before I had one of my own, and it made me realize just how amazing the whole birth thing is.  I do find it amazing, and incredible.  I don't really care about the mess.  Granted, I didn't have to clean up- the mom birthed at her house on her own bed, so someone else cleaned it up.  Nonetheless, I was the lucky one who caught the baby.  It's a good thing I had support there- someone else suctioned the baby's nose and mouth, and clamped the cord, and dad cut the cord.  It was a good thing because I was so mesmerized by the fact that there was a brand new little life coming out of this woman that I may have taken a few extra seconds to actually accomplish those steps on my own.

Mom was amazing- she had a doula that was at home with her- she wanted to labor as much at home as possible, and then was going to go to the hospital.  Unfortunately (or, perhaps for her, quite fortunately!) her second labor was only a third of the duration of her first labor!  So the doula, recognizing the signs of transition (when the uterus goes from dilating the cervix to pushing the baby out), and called for the ambulance.  She pushed just a few times, and out came her baby boy.  He was perfect.  Mom did amazing.  There were no complications.

As a young and impressionable medic and woman/future-mom, I decided that perhaps home births aren't all that crazy- after all, I had just delivered a baby who did just fine!  I hadn't run any "bad calls" for childbirth.

And then I became pregnant, and realized that I was intimidated by the birth process, not to mention had a husband that didn't really believe in the home birth concept, the natural birth concept, or anything that had to do with birth outside the hospital.  Unfortunately, out of the half-dozen times he has delivered a baby, not one of them was "normal" or "healthy."

So a hospital birth it was for me- I put all thoughts of anything otherwise out of my head, which, admittedly, I was OK with, because it meant I could get an epidural without feeling guilty, or like I was any less of a woman!  I have no regrets, and my baby was still delivered vaginally.  But, looking back, I felt like I missed out on a few things, due in part to my hospital experience, and also due to unexpected complications.  My water broke but I didn't begin having contractions, so I was put on pitocin.  I developed a fever during labor- a sign of potential chorioamnionitis- or an infection within the amniotic fluid and placenta.  This puts both mom and baby at risk of infection, causes an increase in infant mortality, and requires the use of IV antibiotics.  What this meant was that my baby had to go to the NICU.  I was allowed one quick attempt to breastfeed, and then my baby was taken to NICU.  I did not get to "room in" with her until appx. 18 hours later.  I went over to the NICU every two hours to nurse.  My baby girl had an IV in her head (which is normal IV placement for newborns- they just don't have veins accessible in their arms!).  As a  medic, I understood this.  As a mom, I bawled my eyes out for a good 20 minutes in the NICU because my child had an IV sticking out of her head!!  She was also given a pacifier, which caused me anxiety due to the fact that I wanted desperately to breastfeed!  I was so concerned that she would end up with "nipple confusion" like the books and stuff talked about.

What disappointed me about my hospital experience was the following:

1.  I didn't get to nurse my child within the first hour of her life.  It was about 4 hours later before I got to nurse her.  I didn't get to experience my baby crawl up my abdomen to find the breast for herself.
2.  My baby was given a pacifier without me being asked.  While it ended up being a non-issue, it bothered me a bit that I didn't know about it.
3.  I was really bothered by how much the NICU nurses were willing to give my daughter formula.  They noticed I was exhausted (based on the timing of my labor and the inability to nap, I had realistically been up for 40 hours without sleep by the time she finally made it!), and said, "we can give her a bottle!  Just go get some rest!"  While I would never say that they were pushy about it, it was presented as an option multiple times.  Any type of supplementation, unless at the breast, can hinder breastfeeding, and can prevent milk from coming in appropriately.  I was determined to nurse her though, and so I didn't accept the help!
4.  My daughter ended up a bit dehydrated, and seemed honestly hungry.  She was not the calm, quiet newborn for the first 24 hours.  I suspect this has to do with the fact that she was poked and prodded, and almost certainly cried quite a bit, expending more energy than she should have the first hours of her life.  I wish that I could have just held her and nursed her the whole time, but I didn't get to.
5.  The lack of information with regards to informed consent.  I had pitocin administered, which I didn't really want, I wasn't given any sort of information about the fever and potential issues as far as risks of refusal, and same thing for my daughter.  There were no options given- it was "standard protocol."

Since she was born, I have read more and more about the medicalization of birth, and with my general impression of hospital births, I understand a little why women may not want a hospital birth.  I don't want to write a marathon post, so I will save my opinions for my next post :).

Because I can't help myself....

OK, I gotta join the bandwagon and talk about the TIME magazine article on extended nursing and attachment parenting. 


Here's my review.  I'm disappointed.  


TIME put a provocative photo of a woman breastfeeding her toddler on their cover.  A stool was used to make the (already large) toddler look even taller, he was dressed in "mini adult" clothing (camo cargo pants), and is giving the camera a look that's expected from a young teenager.  The mom has a slightly blank but slightly defiant look on her face, as though she is daring someone to challenge her for having a child at the breast.  TIME admits here (http://lightbox.time.com/2012/05/10/parenting/#1) that they intentionally put him up on a stool to "make him look older."  Also at that link is a set of other pictures that were taken during the photo shoot- every other photo, in my opinion, is a more appropriate reflection of nursing.  Even nursing a toddler.  


At first I was grateful to see that TIME was tackling what has become not only an issue that I am personally facing, but also one that negatively distinguishes the US from other modern countries (breastfeeding, extended breastfeeding, and breastfeeding support).  


After seeing the photo, their reasoning behind the photo they chose, their other options, and the article that was written, I'm just disappointed.  


The actual article in TIME doesn't mention more than a few sentences about extended breastfeeding, yet that's what's depicted on the cover.  The article is about Dr. Bill Sears, the attachment parenting guru.  It discusses how he came to his beliefs regarding childcare.  It talks about his upbringing, his kids, his beliefs, and how he is big on endorsements.  He has a beachfront house in California to show for all of that.  


As an "accidental" attachment parent, wherein I discovered attachment parenting after I accidentally fell asleep with my baby next to me in bed while nursing, and desperately did research to see how likely I was to have rolled over on top of her.  I found the less-published information regarding the interactions during sleep between exclusively breastfeeding moms and their infants.  Under certain circumstances, co-sleeping can, based on the statistics that we are able to draw, be just as safe as crib sleeping (these include things like not smoking, exclusively breastfeeding, no siblings in bed, firm mattress in appropriate position (not near walls or with a gap at the headboard, no pillows, minimal to no covers, no use of alcohol or sedatives, and non-obese parents).  I also found Dr. Sears' website, and discovered this whole attachment parenting concept, and it just makes sense to me.  I have since done more reading about it, and do my best to integrate attachment parenting techniques into my life.   


But I still own a stroller.  And turns out my baby girl happens to enjoy walks in the stroller.  She sits up and looks around and sings.  I also own a baby carrier.  And ultimately, which one I use depends on how I feel about carrying around a 22 lb baby that day, how much my back hurts, and what kind of mood baby girl is in.  


I like Miyam Bialik's take on the attachment parenting.  In this (http://geekout.blogs.cnn.com/2012/05/11/how-brainy-women-think-about-attachment-parenting/) interview, she says, "The notion that a child’s voice matters, that every child is different, that’s the basis of attachment parenting."


So TIME, you have disappointed me.  As a long-time subscriber, I would have expected better.  The photo and the attitude of, "are you mom enough" has only sensationalized the concept of attachment parenting, and sensationalized extended breastfeeding, but has done a poor job of explaining what attachment parenting is or of explaining why some parents choose to adopt the "attachment parenting" concept.  


At the same time, the magazine has actually opened the can of worms that is extended breastfeeding.  Perhaps even the exposure to a foreign concept will help start to get the word out that breastfeeding toddlers isn't child abuse... AND it allows people like Miyam Bialik to go on CNN and explain things from an educated position...


Overall, I don't think it will make much difference in the breastfeeding world, but it will probably sell magazines.  

Life Happens, Writing doesn't.

I have about 5 different posts that I have started and haven't had time to finish thanks to... well... life.

Baby hit a growth spurt, also has been in a mommy-only mode (any ideas why?).  If I'm around, she only wants me.  She does OK if I'm not there after a few minutes of fussing, but won't go to anyone else but me when I'm around.

Also, homework has kept me from writing as much as I would like.

So... that's life.  Nothing new, really.  Just a clingy, clingy baby, homework, and the usual homemaking type stuff- cooking, cleaning, yardwork.

And I did just get back from a trip out of town.  It was fun, but not nearly long enough.  I'm looking forward to my various vacations this summer...

Teddy Bear!

I now have a desire to learn a craft. I want to learn to crochet so I can make this bear (see below). I want to use super soft yarn and make it so soft and cuddly!!! Any help appreciated!

Update:  I now have crochet hooks and a teach-yourself-to-crochet book.  Yarn will be in on Monday!  I love Amazon.com, Amazon Prime, and 2 day shipping.

Extended Nursing

I was Skype-ing with my dad the other day so he could see the baby, and I mentioned that my little one has become quite the distracted nurser- she wants to play or sing or wiggle while she is nursing, making it much more difficult to focus on nursing. My dad suggested that meant it would be a great time to wean her.

What?

OK, so let me just put this out there. I love nursing my baby. Love it. It's had it's highs and lows, and sometimes it's awful when she wants to nurse when I'm doing important things like peeing (since she follows me into the bathroom now), but it's been awesome.

Nonetheless, nursing has been great and I feel privileged to be able to do it. And my baby loves it too, even though she is distracted. She still nurses, it's just that now, instead of taking ten minutes to nurse and be done, we nurse in about thirty second intervals, over the course of about 45 minutes, with frequent breaks for crawling, wiggling, or just smiling up at me. The books say that it's a phase...

Suffice to say, we're not weaning anytime soon.

But... When to wean? I have talked with many people about weaning, the right time, and how to go about it. An I've realized that there is no "right" time except when one or both of us is ready. I have talked with people who weaned at 3 months, 9 months, 12, 18 months, up to 3-4 years in age.   I have read the opinions of the AAP and WHO, who recommend 12-24 months, and continued nursing as long as is mutually desirable, thanks to the continued health benefits- both physically and mentally.  When babies are left to wean on their own, they will generally do so between 2.5 and 7 years.  While I can't imagine the idea of nursing a first grader, nursing a toddler is definitely doable.  So... I imagine it will be somewhere between the two :).

Also, this picture is awesome.

Why this job will make me crazy

I ran a call a while back on a teenager. Seemed fairly straightforward, didn't think much of it, except there was one abnormality, so I asked for a follow up.

I got my follow-up today. Kid has cancer, pretty much everywhere. Prognosis is poor.  The kid's gonna die.  That sucks. 


These are the sorts of things that I just sort of tuck away and pretend don't exist. I remember the fearful look in the mother's eyes, and hope, pray, and beg that I never face that fear. I do that "bottling it up" thing that they tell us not to.  Because if I think about all of the bad things that could happen to my little one, I get really sad. 

So I don't.  It's a choice.  I stay focused on the amazing things that my baby girl is doing.  I smile at her and tell her every day that I love her.  I cuddle her constantly.  I make an effort to make each day count, to be happy (as opposed to grumpy)  for her (and because of her!), and to do fun things with her, in case one day all one of us has left is memories...

I'm rambling. 

The point of this post is that it's easy for me to go on about my job pretending like all I ever do is take care of the toe pains and drunks, but occasionally I do see some medically interesting things that suck for patients and families.  And the things that suck are the things that I like to pretend won't happen to me, my family, or anyone close to me.  And when my job bursts my happy little bubble of ignorance, and I have to deal with the sucky parts of life, it really bums me out, and will, eventually, make me go crazy. 

So invest in Xanax now, 'cause one day, I'll probably need it. That or maybe large quantities of cupcakes...

Also check out this TED Talk:  http://blog.ted.com/2011/04/22/3-things-i-learned-while-my-plane-crashed-ric-elias-on-ted-com/ .  It's topical.

That annoying laugh

You know when you're out in public and you hear someone with just an awful laugh? One that's really annoying?

I have just realized that I am that person.

As an adult, I haven't found myself laughing on camera much, so I only know what my laugh sounds like inside my head.

Which is apparently much different from what it sounds like outside of my head.

So I have little video snippets of the baby, who now makes me laugh when she smiles, which means my laugh is on the video. I noticed it a couple of weeks ago, but was desperately hoping it was just a fluke.

Nope.

I have a less than cool laugh. It sounds like Goofy (from mickey mouse) struggling to breathe and laugh at the same time, with an occasional snort.

Why could I not remain blissfully ignorant of my annoying laugh? Is it there all the time? I mean, I don't snort all the time, so maybe it's not that bad?

Oh well. Only one thing to do about it. Laugh out loud so everyone can laugh at me AND with me... And I will pretend like I don't know about it :).

I'm not ready for this!

My husband and I were having some cuddle time while sitting on the floor watching the baby crawl all over her toys.  We were talking about how great a little crawler she's become, and in a fairly rapid manner.  She started really getting her belly up off the floor while she was staying with my parents (end of february), and over the course of about two weeks has become quite proficient at crawling.  As we are discussing this, she apparently noticed the lights on the TV box on the entertainment center, and made a bee-line for it.  The TV box is up about 2 feet off the ground on a shelf, and underneath it is a cabinet with glass-insert doors.  Instead of stopping when she got there, she situated herself sitting on her legs, leaned into the doors and put her little hands up as high as she could, and used the friction of her hands against the glass as a way to pull herself up.  As soon as I saw her starting into this motion I went over to her to prevent any catastrophic falls, but I didn't stop her, and lo and behold, she got to her feet and was able to reach the lights and buttons.

Lord help us.

The kid clearly didn't read the "childhood milestones" book that says that I am supposed to get another month to child proof my house before she really starts moving around on her own.

But what's worse (perhaps?) is the fact that it makes me realize how quickly the time goes (so cliche, I know).  Seven months have flown by, and I tried to do everything I could to just enjoy the time we have had together.  But I already miss her sleeping curled up on my chest (though I don't miss the fact that it was the ONLY place she would sleep), and I miss the tiny little diapers (that didn't stink nearly as bad).  I miss the wonder with which she stared at her hands, and that very first smile and coo (and now she won't stop talking!!)... Bittersweet must be a word that was coined specifically for parenting, because I've never felt anything so bittersweet in my life.

I'm pretty much gonna be a washed up wreck when she starts walking.

I'll be that parent who can't hold it together at the first day of preschool, or Kindergarten graduation, and every other milestone my child reaches.  Yup.  I'll be THAT mom.  Maybe I'll remember to keep kleenex with me...

Boogers.

So we are up in the mountains where it's delightfully cold, and what happens? Noses start running. Normally up there the air is dry enough that everything that would normally run out evaporates before it even thinks about coming out the nose, but not this time.

Not really a huge deal- we grabbed a box of kleenex from the hotel, tossed it in the car, and usually remembered to keep Kleenex in our pockets just in case.

Except once- the first day we dropped the boy off at ski lessons. The boy is 7, and generally does a good job of wiping his nose when asked, but as the namesake for "snot-nosed kids," the boy is notoriously bad about wiping his nose on his own, and if he does, it's almost always with his sleeve.

So we are just about to leave the boy at his lesson when he turns around to say goodbyes and sniffles his nose, as he has been doing. Just as I start to lean in for a little peck on the cheek with good luck wishes, I notice the giant green booger hanging out of his nose. As I turn to his dad to ask if he has a tissue, it gets worse. That's when the snot bubble appears. The ugly, nasty green snot bubble that grows in and out with each breath the kid takes.

My husband and I just look at each other- me with the, "your kid, your booger" look, and him with the, "ewwww! Snot bubble!" look, and both of us come to the realization that we can't just leave him that way. And, to top it off, neither of us has a Kleenex. The kid looks like a miniature marshmallow man in his puffed up, shiny slick snow gear, so his sleeve isn't exactly an option...

After a brief stare down, I realize that my own time to ski is being wasted on this nasty booger bubble, not to mention the poor kid standing there looking defeated and slightly embarrassed by this thing, and I do the grossest thing I can possibly think of and wipe the darn thing off with my bare fingers. I wiped it off in the snow before my brain had time to process the fact that the child's boogers were on my bare fingers. Then I threw up in my mouth a little and promptly informed my husband that he owes me big for that one.

I'm not sure I had ever seen quite the look on my husbands face. It was some combination of thankfulness, disgust, and shock and awe.

I'm shuddering just thinking about it. Moral of the story: keep Kleenex handy at all times...

What I didn't expect about being a new mom

As a first time mom, I prepped like crazy for the baby. I made sure the nursery was painted (not that I did much painting myself!), made sure it was stocked with every gadget that would make my life easier, and made sure it was color coordinated in shades of purple and lavender for my little love bug.

And we don't use it.

Well, not for it's intended purpose. We do change diapers in there because it's all set up for it, but other than that, I have a nursery full of boxes, and the boxes are full of clothes that don't fit in one way or another. The crib has been a great place to keep clean clothes, since I don't have time to put them away. And it's not like we are using the crib.

Makes me glad we used hand-me-down furniture in there.

I think I have managed to actually use most of the other gadgets. Yes, I use the wipe warmer. I hate dropping the drawers to pee at night, and would love a heated toilet seat. I can only assume that my daughter gets a bit of a chill when I expose her legs and booty to the air conditioned house after she has been bundled up in soft fleecy warmth.

What other stuff did I buy and not use? The baby bathtub. Bassinet with stand, sheets, and pad. Pack and play (there's still hope for that one though!). Baby nail clippers- they got used once. Nipped the poor kid's finger. Not sure who cried harder...

Also various bottles and nipples that she didn't like (never buy a 3-pack of bottles until you're sure the baby will like that brand), pacifiers she won't take, and cutesy dresses that she doesn't wear because she usually spits up or smears sweet potatoes on them anyway.

So- if there's a next time, I will be sure to spend my money on what's important- prenatal massages and college savings...

The Moment When...

The moment when you're walking out of the daycare center, with a screaming child in your arms who hasn't napped all day, refused to eat lunch, who is clawing at your face, pulling your hair, and making it generally difficult to carry ski boots back to the hotel room...

And then you look back at the other screaming child from the infant room, smacking his mother for trying to put his hat on him, and realize that someone else on this planet is experiencing the exact same thing...

... It makes you realize that you're not alone in your kiddo battles.  And that it's OK.

Success!

As expected, my baby did wonderfully during her weekend with grandma. Aside from an over-tired fit the first night, she went to sleep easily, napped, and started army-crawling more consistently.

Unexpectedly, I also did well this weekend! I only cried for the 30 minute trip back to Dallas from Ft. Worth where I dropped her off. Then I immediately went to dinner, had a glass of wine, and remembered what it's like to have adult conversation.

I may have insisted on way too many pictures, and I had hourly updates via text, but by the end of the three days, I realized that both of us had survived relatively unscathed, and it felt good to have some time to focus on my husband a little bit.

Not to mention the lectures helped remind me of why I do what I do, and why I am pushing forward on my path. I love science, particularly medicine, and was kind of geeking out all weekend.

Also, Red Duke was there, and I got to hear him speak, and I was pretty much giddy after that. I watched him on TV in high school and had a nerd-crush. Such a cool guy and definitely someone I look up to, both clinically and as an amazing, humble leader in EMS.

So the weekend away is over, and I'm happy I did it, but I'm glad to be back with my baby. And she gave me a big smile and some awesome baby kisses when she saw me!

In Sickness and In Health

I feel like some of the qualities that make me a decent medic are the same ones that make me a decent photographer.

One of those is a strong sense of empathy, and another is a keen awareness of nonverbal means of communication. Both are useful in reading patients to help coax out "what is really wrong," and when it comes to photography, they're useful in determining how I frame a photo, or what I can do to use the light to accent an emotion or feeling.

When I was at work the other day, I desperately wished I had my camera with me- no, not a good MVC, nothing bloody or gory, but something that helped me remember why I do this job.

I was on my way through the hospital pushing a stretcher. As I walked by a patient room, I glanced in an saw an elderly couple- the husband in the hospital bed receiving a breathing treatment, the wife standing by his side. The couple was probably in their mid seventies.

What happened next was simple, but represents so much, and admittedly made me tear up a little. The wife leaned over and gently kissed her husband on the head as she stroked his face, then just rested her head on top of his, eyes closed, as she held him close.

In my experience, it's rare that older couples demonstrate affection where I am present to witness it. I was lucky to glance in on a private moment, and it was absolutely refreshing to see such love and compassion in this couple.

I instantly felt the wife's fear and anxiety for the health of her husband, her comforting instinct, and her desire to make her husband feel better, and at the same time, it reminded me of my own love I have for my husband and family.

I wanted my camera because it's a moment I wish I could have captured to share. The rush of emotions that came with that moment was bittersweet, but one that reminded me that my job is to help people- humans, with a need for compassion-through these events. And to fix what I can in the process.

Should I stay or should I go...

Well, it's the week my baby turns 7 months old and a week I have been anticipating for a while, because it's also the week that my baby girl is supposed to go stay with grandma and grandpa for a few days so mom&dad can attend a conference for a few days in a city that's about an hour and a half away.

I have left my baby overnight with my husband- I have to once a week for work. But he usually brings her to see me on shift, and I get to nurse her and cuddle and love on her. I haven't left her with anyone else for that long, and not that far away either.

This is an annual conference, and I usually love going. But this year I just can't get excited about it. I am petrified to leave my baby. I think if she would sleep in a pack and play things would be easier, but I don't know what is going to happen while I am gone.

Over paranoid? Probably. Definitely paranoid about some things. I have been worried about entirely too much, like what will happen if the breastmilk I will take up there thaws on the way. Or what happens if I forget to pump, or what happens if my mom (who, by the way, successfully raised all four of me and my sibs) doesn't know what to do?

This is clearly the emotional side of me just being anxious. And while google says its normal for moms to have separation anxiety, that doesn't make it feel any better.

Noodles

My baby is an explorer. She loves to investigate her surroundings- sights, smells, tastes, textures... And it's all explored with her mouth as well as her hands.

The thing about my little explorer is that she ends up messy- covered in dirt or drool or food. Now I'm not at all opposed to dirty children- those are the ones who are burning off energy or learning something or generally having fun being kids. And that is awesome.

What I am less excited about is when, unbeknown to me, I am also covered in whatever my daughter is into. Furthermore, this usually happens instantaneously. Before I even see her getting into something, we are both covered in it. It's like some sort of baby superpower or something.

So, today, I was out at an Asian restaurant and had a vermicelli bowl. Baby was fussy and sitting in my lap playing with a toy, when suddenly I'm covered in noodles. So is the baby, and she has them all over her face an in her mouth. She was thoroughly enjoying the texture and apparently the taste of the sticky, squishy rice noodles. Instantaneous mess, I swear! And it's not like I didn't have my eye on her- I had my arms around her and she had a toy. Then I hear the toy hit the floor and the fistfuls of noodles are everywhere.

Secretly, though, I didn't mind it :). Covered in noodles and smelling like Asian food, I loved watching the smile on her face when she was flinging those noodles. Amazing to watch the baby so excited about something so simple just made my day :).

Pumping

Every day that I work, I am married to my pump. I wake up 2hrs and 15 minutes before shift change. I pump, get dressed, shower if I didn't shower the night before, get my lunch packed, get the baby's bag packed, get the baby dressed, and get the baby off to daycare. Then, as soon as I get to work, it's almost time to pump again.

Every three hours, I have found, is what works best for me. So every three hours I go out to the truck and sit for 15 minutes and pump.

I spend an hour and 15 minutes each day attached to the pump, looking at pictures or watching videos of my baby girl. I am reminded constantly of how much I miss her!

But, I also remind myself that I work for sanity and for luxury- after all, I want to take my baby girl shopping in Paris someday, and if I stayed at home that wouldn't happen. I would probably also go nuts if I didn't have a job to go to.

So, I pump. And think fondly of Paris...

Rule Breaker

I am a mommy rule breaker. My 6 month old has eaten cupcakes and tasted vinegar, I nurse her all night long in the bed we share, and i keep her in my arms nearly all the time.

And I'm proud of it.

I took my baby to the doctor yesterday for her 6 month checkup. Her pediatrician asked about all the milestones- is she rolling, reaching, grabbing, scootching. She also asked about sleep habits and if she's sleeping through the night.

Uh, what? My daughter sleep through the night? You're kidding right?

Apparently my daughter "weighs enough" that she should be sleeping through the night, and if she isn't, perhaps it's how we have taken to soothing her...

Right, so now I'm the bad guy, ruining my baby by allowing her to nurse all night long.

So for those of you who are fans of Dr. Sears, perhaps you are familiar with the concept of the "high needs infant.". My daughter is one of these- always wants to be held, wants to be close to mom, want to nurse all night long, and are quite vocal about having their needs met RIGHT NOW. Patience is not something these young ones have learned...

What's the solution, according to Dr. Sears? Deal with it as best I can, and cherish the fact that there is someone who loves me so much that she just can't live without me. So, I will keep breaking the rules and keep giving her what she needs, and for the most part what she wants, be it cupcakes or an all night boobie buffet, in hopes that I will see the benefits of a high needs infant- that of a confident, passionate, and determined young adult.

I guess I should write a post explaining myself. Seems prudent with the new blog and all...

6 months ago I gave birth to my first baby- a wonderful, healthy, happy baby girl. I'm already a step-mom to a 7 year old, but turns out that's nothing like having one of your own. My life, my body, my personality, my ideals, values... everything about me has changed. Well, sort of. It seems like everything has changed, but really I think having my baby simply helped change my point of view.

I'm passionate about many things, most importantly my baby and family, education, and EMS; I hope to go to medical school in a few years. I'm in grad school part time too. I was worried that my dreams to go to medical school may dwindle once I had my baby, but actually it was completely the opposite. I am now more motivated than ever to get there.

I don't have any specific plans for the blog. I enjoy writing as a means to blow off steam or simply express an opinion to a captive audience. I have blogged in the past, but not in the past several years, and after writing an article about breastfeeding in EMS (submitted for publication), I both remembered how much I enjoy blogging and also realized that I need some more practice with non-academic writing!

So feel free to follow me, share with others, and comment away.